No one wants it to happen, you know. No one thinks it to be possible, until it does. Writing all that shit about how you feel or what you want to do or talking to a friend doesn’t matter.
Any normal day, or night... lets pick night... I like that time. So... any night you are in your bed, but somehow you think it’s getting colder. So you move out to the living room and lie down. All the while, you smile constantly. You think what the note will say, what will happen in the morning. Then you sit up. That sugar from the midnight snack kicks in. Boy... smiling never felt so good. You lie down again and try to sleep... you know... so that people would say that you have a smile on when you sleep. But it’s the couch and your back acts up.
The smile won’t wear. Fucking sugar. Then you go pee, come back and watch a movie on your iPod. Now your eyes hurt cuz you had to turn the brightness down to minimum (to save battery stupid! How would you like it if your movie stopped at the turning point because of low battery, huh?) which strained your eyes.
The smile stays. You start thinking, what if I was a psychotic killer? This would be a cool look J. So then you sit up and look outside the window, smile at the shadows cast.
The smile gets worseL. Now every few minutes you chuckle. Can’t go louder than that. Parents are sleeping in the bedroom. Oh yeah... one of the reasons why you left was because of the congestion on the bed. Really annoying when you can’t move about while sleeping! You think shit, you know... in the night. When somewhere... something falls, your heart beats faster. Just for some time, cuz then you realise that nothing can happen to you when some lady in the neighbourhood turns in bed and her bangles jingle. Hey... I love the Bangles! I mean what a band!! Eternal Flame might just be the most awesome romantic song ever!! :D
Anyway... then you realise how quite it is and about everything you could do... you know... watch TV, work or play on the computer, read... but of course, you don’t end up doing anything like that. Lazy fucking arse.
You don’t understand what the smile is still doing on your face. Maybe you are “feeling” happy... but you don’t “think” so, do you my little rationaliser?! So then you think some more and your rational mind tells you what to do. You have to go sleep; you have to get up in three hours.
Ah... another chuckle... I was beginning to miss those. So then you lie down. Good... that’s a start. You try masturbating, but you realise you’re dry. Guess you aren’t so happy after all, huh?
So now you really don’t know what to do. You contemplate on having a lot of coffee and staying up through the day, but decide against it. Rationally, of course. ;)
Ooh... the chuckle againJ. Louder thins time. Then you......... I don’t know what you do anymore. Maybe you could write the night’s events down. That’s an idea, right? Hone your writing skills? Nah... fuck it. Lethargy still prevails :P. You drink water. Got up to get it and everything.
Ahhh... as long as you are up... why not? You’ve got nothing else to do anyway. So you decide to do it. It wouldn’t be rational, you think. But just this once, you also think that this is as good a time as any for a bit of spontaneity... so you do it!! J Smile still there... two continuous chuckles, whoa! :P Your neck is poised... stiff I’d say. Guess its performance anxiety, eh? ;) Nothing to worry about though. The blade wasn’t so cold anyway.
