...AND THEN THERE WAS GUILT

Location: Carnegie Hall, New York
People were waiting outside the hall for the concert to commence. From the throng, a lady dressed elegantly in a flowing black gown spotted someone on the street and walked towards her.
“Excuse me, sorry to disturb you but you look a lot like my friend-“
“Kate!!! It’s me, Jane.”
“Oh my God, Jane? How have you been? When did you return from Cambodia?”
“Just last week. It was hell there, but I had the time of my life! Anyway what’s going on in the ad world?”
Kate heard her name as people start entering the hall.
“Ok, so I need to go. It’s the New York Phil. You know I won’t miss it for the world.”
“Same as ever” laughed Jane, “Go now but we need to catch up! It’s been a year since we met.”
“Definitely! How about lunch tomorrow? Pastis at 1?”
“Sounds great. See you then.”
“Ok bye”, said Kate as walked towards the hall.

Next Day;
Location: Pastis Restaurant, Upper West Side, New York
“Jane, over here” waved Kate and beckoned her friend towards the table.
“Hey sorry I’m late... there was traffic at 45th and 3! At noon!!! Go figure!!”
Kate laughed, “Not even a week in the city and back to your normal ways! The Cambodians are supposed to be very cultured. Didn’t they teach you anything?”
“My dear Kate, I spent the whole of last year with the wild tribes in Cambodia. The only social inhibition that they have is to not kill their relatives. And that too is taken very lightly.”
“Honestly Jane. Don’t exaggerate! When I went to Cambodia-“ but Jane cut in...
“When you went to Cambodia, you stayed at the Hilton or something and rubbed shoulders with the bourgeoisie! I had no such luck Ms. CEO of a big Ad Firm.”
“Moving on...” blushed Kate.
She was always aware of the status variance between Jane and had never been proud of it. Having been best friends since college, when Jane decided to go to the third world countries to help those less fortunate, Kate moved to New York and rapidly grew through the ranks of Sloan Curtis one of the most sought after advertising agencies in the United States. Kate now lived in a trendy Manhattan district while Jane who was out tending to the poor for most of the year lived in a rented studio in Brooklyn. Now that she thought about it, choosing Pastis was probably not a very good idea.
“You’ve got a great tan. I presume it was hot there?”
“Hotter than hell. That’s nothing though, compared to what the people have to suffer. I swear to God, if I had even a penny to spare I would give it all... all to them!” the ferocity with which Jane spoke about the cause she believed in, for which she strove so hard made Kate feel horribly empty inside. It made her feel so materialistic that she thought her life was deprived of meaning.
Suddenly, the words came out.” Jane? What am I doing?”
“I thought we were about to order...?” Jane enquires, confused by the dazed expression on her friend face.
“No, I mean with my life. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Sure, I go to work every day and make my company and myself a lot of money but what good is it? I mean when I die, what will I be remembered for, if at all.” She didn’t know what she was saying, but it felt so good to just let out what was inside her all these years.
“When you left for Africa after college, I asked myself if what I was doing was correct. What life was? What was my purpose in it? Then Sloan Curtis approached me and having nothing better to do at the time I took up their offer. The first few months were an ordeal I’ll never forget. Nothing interested me. I became so dazed; my boss had to make me take Narcotic Analysis test thrice to make sure I wasn’t stoned. I don’t know how but I go through it and at times actually started liking my work. Then about three years later, I got your mail and saw you among those children’s happy faces and it all started coming back. Then yester...”
“Stop! Ok just breathe. You look like you are about to faint! Listen, you think it’s all easy for me? i asked myself the exact same questions when we passed out of college. That’s why I went to Africa. I thought it was the right thing to do for me. You stayed back because deep down you knew that, that was the right thing for you! When I see those children’s happy faces, I feel disgusted with myself knowing that what I’m giving them is momentary happiness. I’m giving them hope which may or may not come true. You might not be helping them but at least you are not giving them false hope. You don’t know Kate how hard it is to look into the eyes of a dying child and assuring him that everything’s going to be alright. We all ask ourselves these questions Kate. Our entire lives are spent in answering them. All we can do is hope that when we die, all this will be well worth the effort.”
“Will it?” asked Kate.
Jane smiled and said,” Let’s order.”